Ever feel like your life is just an extended version of Daniel Powders song “So you had a bad day”? Yeah, me too. Sometimes it feels like our lives should be some ridiculous photo montage of things gone awry. Life is hard. Life is overwhelming. And at times, it’s hard to keep your head above the water. Being a mom is so much harder than I thought. When you are young and you dream about having a family, you don’t really envision yourself cleaning up vomit, combing out tangles as your 8 year old daughter screams bloody murder, or spending the majority of your day toggling between playing referee and chauffeur. But there it is. LIFE. The cold hard truth of being a mom. It’s not always fun. It’s definitely not always pretty, but it’s yours to keep.
Often I find myself questioning God, wondering what made Him think I can handle this life. Why didn’t he keep me from making bad choices at times? Why didn’t he slap me upside the head when I needed it most? But then I remember that in those moments, in the midst of my consequence or my lowest of lows is where I see Him the most. And so how can I wish to not experience those times? Through scripture, God continually tells us that HIS grace is sufficient for us. That HIS yoke is easy and HIS burden is light, but what exactly does that mean?? When you are in the thick of it, up to your knees in messy rooms, homework meltdowns, and sticky kitchen floors, how does that apply to us? This is something that I have struggled for so long to try and understand, and I don’t think I am anywhere near grasping the entire concept, but I think I am on the road.
I am imperfectly perfect. I am broken. I am flawed. I am a sinner. I lose my patience. I lack grace. I need Jesus. But I am exactly who God made me to be. And in those moments where I am literally pulling out my hair, flying off the handle, losing my marbles…. THAT is where I see God’s grace. HIS grace, not my own. Him telling me that it’s okay. Him saying to let it go… He is constantly showing me that I don’t have to be in control. That I don’t have to be perfect, I don’t have to have my act together. Because God shows me infinite grace and unconditional love, I can look back to that and pay it forward to my own family. HIS grace is sufficient. Because mine alone is not. And at the end of the day, that is what I want my children to see.